Heheh! I knew that a birthday was coming up soon, so happy birthday Rose! I'm glad to have met you, and it makes my life a little more brighter considering those darn Blues keep showing up and popping out back in the day.

In short, I'd like to commemorate this with something that might make travel a little easier! Ta-dah!

[Attached - Turbo-Charged Flying Machine - Seats 3]

It's a personal helicopter, run on STEAM power of all things. Just pop water in and away you go! Me and Jarrod worked long and hard on this, and finally got it to work! It's also got a small storage compartment in case you want to put something there. And a cup holder.

Oh, and since Caleb's a little busy dealing with his femininity and Jack's off doing something irresponsible, it leaves me the point to send you their gifts as well.

[From Jack - A new staff weapon]
[From Caleb - Lightweight combat bracers]

And lets see, who'd I forget... oh right! Sam'll be sending you a gift soon too, so have fun with that!

Welcome back sportsfans, for the time you've waited for is now officially here! With the coming of June, we welcome our THIRD season of the sport we all know and love. The sport known as...

GRIFBALL!

That's right, Grifball Season Three is now up and available! Early Team Registration Begins now with the deadline being in one and a half weeks from today. The Arena which is brand-spanking new, has a new feature known as EYE OF THE STORM! A variant of King of the Hill and Capture the Flag while keeping the classic elements of Grifball alive.

There are two teams, and this time expanded to 15 players! Those Reds and Dirty Blues. Both teams have four outposts on either side of the floating rock paths, and in the middle is our very own Grifball, carried by none other than our favorite punching bagathlete of the year, Private Dexter Grif! Say hello dirtbag.

Both teams objectives is to rack up 2000 points before the end of the 15 minute round. Capturing the ball in a held base racks up 50 points. Holding 1, 2, 3 or even 4 bases for your team racks up a multiplier of 20 points times the amount of bases you hold! And as always, killing Grif in bloody mayhem will earn you the respect you deserve, and a whopping 500 points! Mind you, if the other team takes out Grif before you do, you loose the points and they gain them!

So while keeping in mind these new player dynamics, please be advised that all Grifball Association Members are now eligable for the Warsong Trinket, courtesy of our friend Jarrod Carter of Carter Trinkets. These little handy babies will unfreeze you from any of the paralyzing abilities your opponent may or may not have, but only once every minute!

So remember, it's time to saddle up and get your game on with Grifball, the sport of champions!

-- it was the devil's birthday in Cambodia, there I was, lost, alone! Bare-assed and hopped up on some jungle mushroom and what the hell am I doing out in the middle of nowhere?

Anyone?

Anywhere?

Lopez?

Dirtbags?

Aw well.

After much serious debate, and possible head trauma, I'm making an announcement.

Grif, I've never liked you. Nor would I trust you to watch my back or give me CPR for a bullet wound to the head. But due to mostly impossible situations that happened here, I am promoting you to Sarge. And then promoting myself to Captain. This means two things.

1) I've possibly fallen out of character and

2) I've gone soft raising my adopted son. That means Caleb numb-nuts.

This also means that I'm promoting Church to Douchebag. Just cause we need some kind of equilibrium in the squad. And if Caboose wants a rank, we can promote him to Donut. This means he has to learn how to scream like a woman.

While we're on the subject of numbers,

3) Yannie, wanna go out Saturday night?

SNAP OUT OF IT SON!

/Sound of Armored Fist meeting Caleb's face

THERE! NOW HIT ME SON!

... RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

/sound of fists meeting SPARTAN armor

that's it son. let it out.

(ooc: small softly spoken)

It's quiet.

Too quiet.

...

...

... WHELP, time to build a new killer robot! Or at least one that doesn't speak spanish! Because no matter if it speaks spanish, only Red Team managed to learn how to interpret Lopez speak.

Yan, I had a good time. I have to admit that. Thanks for indulging me in such a wonderful date.

Would you... like to do it again sometime?

*cough*

Yannie...

Would you, I dunno, be willing to, uh... go out tonight?

... and you say you haven't used a shotgun before in your life?

Nope, just picked it up and, well, look at that target.

I'll say, you just blew a hole in that target dummy from a hundred feet away!

Well I'm impressed. Guilmon, take a memo. We just might have our first protege in shotgun exercises. Next we move onto Ducks at a Carnival. We'll need Grif for that.

It's freaky though, Sarge. Who would have thought that Caleb of all people, who used nothing but a crossbow before could be so accurate? It's like he's learning firearms from just being around you.

You've got a point. Son, I wanna see you fire more of our standardized weaponry that we use in Blood Gulch. You'd made a father proud if you'd give me the honor of teaching you everything I know!

Really? Cool! Thanks Sarge.

(ooc: reg text, Sarge. Italics, Caleb. Italics/Underlined, Ryuudamon. Bold, Guilmon.)

We at the American Grifball League of America, have been hard at work developing new objects to use during the Griball Games in the new Warsong Gulch format.

Some of these items are very specific and others are more of the unique kind. Today's lesson is the new fangled item called The Power Up.

Or as we like to call it: the power to inflict more harm on Grif.

Or just THE SANDVICH.

Inspired by our trusty friends in another game we shouldn't mention due to crossing over would be bad, we at Grifball Bungie Labs have developed The Sandvich. Inspired all white bread with new meats, lettuce and tomato, this object of mass destruction will give you the needed energy you need to slam Grif into next Tuesday!

Or likewise, evolve your digimon for one go, one level. Every ten Sandviches you consume, the more damage you can put out.

And now, to demonstrate the power of the Grifball Bungie Labs new Sandvich, a slight demonstration provided to us by the recent Red vs Blu match.



Yeah we don't understand it too. Unfortunately for us, we barely got to see any of it either.

Remember sports lovers and Grif Haters, if it's not Grifball, it's boring.

Grifball 2009: The Best Game Since Itself!

Welcome to the new season of Grifball everyone!

Starting tomorrow we begin a new variant of Grifball thought up by the brilliant minds of Grifball Inc. Please welcome GRIFBALL: WARSONG GULCH!

In addition to causing pain and sufferingplaying the time-honored tradition of Grifball, we are adding a new fancy element to it called CAPTURE THE FLAG! In short, you may rack up MORE points as the Grifball Stadium has been remodeled into the forested wonder known as Warsong Gulch. There are floating magical powerups provided by Jarrod and Chien.

The rules revision are simple: to capture the Grifball, you must bring it to the Flag Room while it is there with you. Extra Bonus points if you manage to steal the opposing flag and bring it back to your room. There is a 30 second respawn timer on that.

Finally, a new Mark of Honor system has been implimented. After each battle, the winners gain Marks of Honor, three a piece. The losers gain one. These can be used to purchase upgrades for your team gear. We call THAT Season 2 Gear.

So come on down and play with us! It's the Best Game Since Itself!

Oh, almost forgot. We have tabards now. Get your custom team tabard.

Little to the left.

Other left numbnuts!

Sarge, c'mon! Help me out here! This thing's heavy!

Who was it again who wanted to get the biggest goddamn tree in the forest and decorate it?

Fine, I said I'm sorry. Now can you hand me those lights?

Just don't get it entangled in your shotgun arm again. We're not spending another two hours wrestling tinsel out of your gears.

You shoulda asked Clark to help with this yanno.

Naw, let him sleep. He's been going to bed early since the last few days have popped up. Little rascal's waitin' for Santa.

...first time I've heard anyone refer to him as 'little rascal'.

Hey, I found Sarge if you want to know.

He looks... actually pretty good for a guy who was hiding in the Tetha Ruins from Caboose.

Wasn't hiding, it was a strategic retreat!

Grif! Drop and give me infinity, dirtbag!

Other than that... I don't feel any different.

Despite the VERY LONG TITLE of my post, I've got a problem. That problem is we're missing Simmons! I haven't had my daily fill of him being a kiss-ass in months now! So we're going to relegate that position to Donut. At least he follows orders.

Speaking of orders, Chien just paged me. He wants us to set up the Brewfest Grounds ASAP! I don't know about you, but I feel like drinking my own bodyweight in rich delicious Pandaren brew, heh heh! So that's pretty much an order for every able-bodied tamer within my arms-reach (which usually equates to the residents), to start setting up. We're opening Brewfest first thing tomorrow morning. Those kegs won't move themselves!

Other than that, has anyone noticed that all of the bluetards have Commandramon? Hell, looks like Red Team, or at least our former Red Team, has the biggest variety between all of us in Spartan Armor!

Finally, to our new residents, we have three basic rules in our residency that someone might not have run past us. Rule Number 1: Make sure the Hot Springs Bating Sign is flipped up. If you're in there naked, we want to minimize our embarrassment. Certain people don't apply to this rule for good reason.

Rule Number Two: If You're Going To Be Emo, Be Prepared For Immediate Theraputic Pain! This means anyone who is upset about anything. Seriously. Don't make me come over there and pistol whip ya!

Rule Number Three: Don't Murder On The Grounds. This means you TexDeadpoolYzmaWhoeverElseMightHaveCertainTendencies people have to settle your differences in the training yards. Just put the Trash Knights back when you're done.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go soak. It's been a long day.

... OW...

Uhhhh you okay there Sarge?

Sort of. My lumbago or something is acting up.

That was some crash. I think even R2 is shaken up.

[Whooooooooo-BLAT]

Brake check Guilmon. Ow.

Soy López 2.0, la segunda generación de López el pesado. I don' t sabe qué I' m que va a hacer. Tengo gusto de Sarge, pero de I don' t tiene gusto de matar a gente. Consigo pesadillas cada vez que tiro la materia. Incluso los armas tienen sensaciones también.

Hey, what's all the yammering about? You poking my D-Comm again, Lopez?

No.

Huh. Musta left it on then.

(translation: I am Lopez 2.0, the second generation of Lopez the Heavy.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I like Sarge, but I don't like to kill people. I get nightmares every time I shoot stuff.

Even guns have feelings too.)

... And that bring us up to date.

Yeah, I know it's tough. Just wanted to let you know.

I wish I could be there. But the war's not over.

...

...

Glad you understand.

Love you both too. This drink's for you.

...

Done Sarge?

Yeah... gotta get back, before people wonder if I've been hurt.

You know, I thought you were always BSing about that whole family thing. But to drive all the way out here to the middle of nowhere, just to talk to your dead family?

Today was important Guilmon. Today was when they died...

As much as I hate having the chance to blow you damn Blues away, and the point that the honorable death monger in me forbids me the actual chance to do so, aka truce, I have decided we need to go and find Caboose, and bring him to relative safety for two reasons!

Reason A: With Caboose in our ranks, we can keep an eye on him and Andy, so that when we go into an op later on, we won't suddenly find ourselves thrown into the air and spread over a hundred yards because he snuck up on us!

And Reason 3: If Caboose is going to kill something, or someone, however accidental, I'd rather him be near us. In case that for the minute possibility, it won't be Church. Again. But Grif.

So there you have it. We're going to have to go and find the Team-Killing Fucktard before he manages to blow up a vital portion of the digital world, that will come needed within the next few weeks! Who knows! He might accidentally blow up a specific plot device, that will wreck havoc on our enemies, destroy the present, kill Grif and Kurata and the Demon Lords, and quite might save us all!

I'm hoping for the killing myself.

Hey, Gaomon was it? I'll need help with the Warthog. Some of it is so busted, I'm surprised it's able to drive.

Mind looking at it after you're done with Oliver and his ideas?

Okay Lopez, fire it up!



Hmm... doesn't quite want to stand up yet. But the legs deploy anyhow!

How's that new body of yours working out Lopez? I figure we'll give you a test-run of it before Church gets it!

El nuevo cuerpo puttering como un sueño. pero tengo preocupaciones por el lanzagranadas en la ingle.

Great! Keep it up Lopez. We'll get the new Warthog Mech a full test run as soon as we figure out how to deploy the legs!

(Lopez Says: The new body is puttering like a dream. but I have concerns about the grenade launcher in the groin.)

Grifball: The Best Game Since Itself!

Boy I'm posting a lot tonight. But some things have just been made to light!

First off, a reward for Grif for being such a whiny bitch good sport!

[Attached: Halo 3 Spartan Armor]

I had that made for you Grif! I hope it fits, cause there's no refund! Told em to build it to DONUTS' specifications. Cept not pink. Anyways it's meant for Grifball only, so I wouldn't take it out for a test drive in the wild, if you know what I mean.

Secondly, I'm going to explain a few changes to our primitive version of Grifball. For that, we turn to our resident sportsecologists, Professor Guilmon!

Hey everyone, we here at the American Grifball League of America have decided to implement a few new rules so that everyone can enjoy the powerful sport that is Grifball. The first change is the use of the new Grotto Hammer DX, a prototype weapon developed by the good people at Black Pearl Exports. These new hammers have a wider radius, so that a single swing can hit more than one person at a time.

This is done so that we can also introduce the newest addition to the hammers, the Kill Counter. While it SOUNDS deadly, it really isn't. What these hammers do is that it counts each players hits, as well as Chain Hits which will rank up with each person smacked about within five seconds of each blow. This goes from Kill to Killionare. Each of these ranks will increase a players Personal Score which will provide more fantastic upgrades to your gear, as well as your current Arena Ranking. Tallys for the week will be displayed upon the Grifball Journal aka Sarge's Journal, at the end of each week, beginning from Tuesday to Monday Evening. Upon Tuesday, the current rounds will end, and points will be distributed and tallyed.

Similarly, there is a new Lich Seiger in development, the Seiger DX. This too will soon count towards the Kill to Killionare rankings. Points will be distributed accordingly as well.

Finally, we'd also like to introduce new protective gear, that is both protective and sensitive to a players needs. New chest, leg, boots, hands and helms will be made available upon registering for the Grifball League. These new pieces of armor only work in the Grifball Venue, so taking them for a test run in the digital world, will only give you more need to work your legs out.

Thank you Professor Guilmon for that astounding report. You heard it first here sports-fans, the Grifball League is finally getting its lets up, so lets go out there and win one for the Reds! And the Blues.

And before I forget, registration can be posted in this thread. Just state your team name, color of Red or Blue, and the amount of players on and off the bench. Also, let us know if you are representing a currently active group of tamers, so that we can distribute rewards accordingly.

Remember, if it's not Grifball, it's probably pretty boring.

(ooc: strikes invisible)

Grif! Church! I know one of you retards stole the explosives I had in my room! Now I know it looks bad, building a robot with a bomb in it, but that's just for a precaution!

When I was going to be done with Simmons 3.0, he would be a walking machine of pure instrumental death! Grenade launchers, arm cannons, and a rocket punch! Can't forget the rocket punch! The bomb was to be deployed through the --

WHOA WHOA Sarge, TMI. Besides, you installed the fax machine in the butt.

Oh. Right. Time to go with Plan B! Good going whoever you two stole my stuff and I mean that all sarcastically too! It was supposed to be a surprise for the Blue-tard! A new robot body, WITHOUT the bomb in the stomach! Instead of a bomb, he will be a walking machine of death, capable of amazing things like Master Chief! Hiyah!

Now where'd I put that Sticky Bomb Launcher... gotta build that into the foot! Or the crotch. Whatever.

With the success of the first ever Digital World Grifball Game, I'd like to formally announce the formation of what will be an event in the making! The sport that is sweeping the nation, as well as the world! The game known as:





And as a special bonus, here's a video of our final few rounds!



SEE YOU ON THE FIELD SPORTS-LOVERS! AND GRIF-HATERS!

Attention all Suicide Squad Members and interested people: We're going to go on a little trip! Get your things and meet in D'Ango Forest at this lightpost. We're going to play a little game, have some fun and potentially destroy things!

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Squad, I present to you:





Please consult the following gameplan of RULES!



Grif! We can't play WITHOUT YOU! So you'd better be here tomorrow morning, or I'll have Guilmon tie you to the Dire Pig and drag you to the lightpost! And Church, I know you like inflicting pain on Grif (you'd better), so you come too!

Anyone else: Come and play!

EDIT: I almost forgot! Here's the place we'll be playing! Courtesy of BPE!

[Attached: D'Ango Forest Grifball Arena]

Sparrow, about that order I placed, you got some place where we can set up Red Base? Er, I mean, the Suicide Squad? We'll need a firing range to show people how to shoot properly! And to teach them the fundamentals of all Red Command training! Namely shooting Grif first when plans go into the toilet!

It has come to my attention that the Suicide Squad, otherwise known as RED TEAM, is sorely lacking more members! Anyone who wants to come and try out, say so now! There will be a completely unbiased recruitment drive, even if you're a Blue! (Church I'm looking at you meatsack, come and fight with us! Truce, remember? I won't say, shoot you in the kneecap or anything...)

And as always...
( Read more... )

... Due to the successful regrowth of his fingers and toes during the construction of the Hinata Inn, Sarge wants to offer his services as as MEDICAL EXPERT.

I may be 100% loyal to Sarge, but even THAT scares me. A lot. And for the fact that orange juice and a burrito restored his body parts.

Grif? Church? Is that even physically possible from where you guys came from?